Saturday, December 22, 2012

The worn and beaten box

The age old adage of being in a box has always struck me as something I don't want to ever do. Though lately I've been on a detail oriented search for a new look at all the things that surround me and make up my life- box.

When I was a kid I though, I love to travel, see new places, meet new people, and experience life. I had the hardest time wrapping my head around people who had never left the their part of town talk less their state. Then to help myself deal with this I concluded with the idea that if they all left then I wouldn't get to discover them and their ways in it's original form. Someone had to stay behind and keep things just the way they've always been. That gave birth to the idea of settling down in a place and calling it home and how that could be as amazing as seeing the world.

So now today I've found my self in this crush with old things that are re-purposed or being used with a newer modern look. I've always believed that, 'they don't make them the way they used to.' So this crush totally makes sense and that it's in fashion only supports what I and a lot of people have always believed- Old is not necessarily bad.

All this to say. Being in a box doesn't mean you are limited or unable to grow, it simply means you must be creative. Now remember that just like the space outside the box is limitless, so is the possibilities of what you can do inside or with the box.

Friday, December 21, 2012

What dreams May Come

'What Dreams May Come'. This is the title of my favorite movie. Why do I love this movie? I think the most moving thing about the movie is what it teaches about the important things in life. In life we dream and have wishes. I the movie 'Before the Rain' the main character fulfills his dreams to build a road but what ultimately becomes of him is in the end not as successful as the legacy of that road in which he will leave behind.

This year I learned that the difference between two identical or even total strangers is very simple no matter where in the world they are or how much money they have at their disposal. The difference and the one thing that can make or break any human being in any situation is your support system.

Who holds you up when you dream? Who is there when you fall? Who will help when you need it? Whose smiling at you just because?

Friday, December 14, 2012

Life is fleeting life is short.

A woman in Chicago last month who was advocating strongly against gun violence, lost her son to the very same thing. What did she say in response to the senseless killing of her child.- 'They can't take away the 16yrs I got to have him.' That to me was the most powerful thing I'd ever heard.
 Today I did something I typically don't do. I followed a heart wrenching news story instead of just turning the radio off or moving my mind elsewhere. I even let myself feel the pain of the tragedy.
The saddest fact in this world is that there is a tragedy every second of everyday. Just because it didn't make the news or wasn't a mass occurrence doesn't make it any less tragic. Though this by no means gives us the right to just become unmoved. Tragedy should be wake up calls, reminders, and opportunities to show love to one another. Opportunities to be reminded of just how important it is to care, to show the ones you still have that you care?

Friday, November 30, 2012


To not take something the way it was intended to be taken is the essence of a mistake. Making a mistake is therefor not getting it right.  That's the real problem, thinking that it was wrong, or just expecting that you will get things right 100% of the time. That would make us perfect. I know I'm wonderfully made but I think even God isn't expecting me to be perfect. So why am I or others expecting this of me. Our Great Expectations and Lofty Hopes for ourselves and others can only lead to disappointment. I'm not saying don't expect or hope but be willing to understand that forgiveness of yourself or others should not be something that is a rare occurrence.  Much like a harvest moon is not the constant look of a full moon and requires conditions before it even happens. Life is give and take and this is not limited to others but it includes you. You have the right to make mistakes. It's a God given right or freedom which you should be enjoying. So when next you totally miss the mark think- 'Thank God I'm capable of making a mistake!'. When I started this piece I though oh I should write about how we should learn from our mistakes but then I realized we should first learn how to except that we can, should, will, and do make mistakes. Either all the time or from time to time we all will make several mistakes. So next time you do appreciate  that you can.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Love like I'm not afraid to love.

'Love like I'm not afraid to love.' This was the dedication I wrote on a journal march 30th in 2006. As I read  it today all I could think was what exactly dose it mean to love like this and how to correctly practice this. I come from parents who divorced while I was still in grade school and  remarried separate people while I was in high school and college. Why do I state this, it's because it defined the idea that love can be fleeting for me. It also brought the notion of marrying the wrong person and the possibility of marriage being disastrous or devastating to ones life. These  ideas can truly cause one to shrink at the idea of marriage. Since then I've learned a lot as well as witnessed some truly real yet exquisitely beautiful marriages. Though I'm not yet married, I've come to appreciate the art of loving another human being-some of which came from having my son. Though lately I've been discovering how to love the people around you. I'm speaking not only of friends or close acquaintance but of mere strangers. I'm speaking of the human and very real ability of pure unadulterated selflessness. The ability to go above and beyond our own needs to place the needs of others first. To give even when you don't have the surplus to give. Dare to Love like you've never before.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I love Sex.....hum!

I love Sex. Why am I saying this. Yes I know this will radically change my blog, it's purpose, and what people who know me and read this will think of me.  That's fine. I need to be brave cause he was being brave when he followed his gut and allowed himself to be brutally murdered for me. I by actual definition am  NOT A Sex addict but yes I do for all intents and purposes LOVE SEX. What did this mean for me. It meant that I would lose myself in others and I would lose who I saw myself to be since I was two. The problem was I thought I was the sum total of my enlarged over-sized inner lips(a sign of a high libido), my boobs, those sexy long legs, and that erotic neck I have. Forgive me for being graphic but the things is the real truth is graphic. It's not PG or for everyone but with it is true freedom. Today I know I am not the value of what a man thinks or sees me as. I am beautiful! Do you know this? Do you know not to let others define you? Have you learned not to let how others see you become who you are? Only and God know the real you but it takes dealing with you and that takes real guts. I hope you have the guts!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

So not done!

I'm just battered beaten and browsed. I'm at one of those life check points when you ask yourself do I need to endure or is this the bailing point. When you start thinking is this ship sinking or are these rough seas. Since   I'm not officially or even unofficially God, I don't know what's next at least for sure. No 100% here. I do know that not making a decision is still a decision. It would also suck to go down with a sinking ship cause I was unable to decide. To me the indecision would be a bigger travesty than actually sinking with the ship. Though in the Titanic's version of this sinking ship I have to admit that music was beautiful and made the idea of sinking with a ship to be both beautiful and honorable. Though I doubt this is often the case. I have however learned not to quit what you love even if it's not working but maybe reassess how you are applying yourself. Decisions, decisions, decisions right or wrong in the end you tried and that's all that matters. An A+ for effort.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Do you feel the pinch?

Life is design to test just what you are made of. Why spend time complaining when you know and expect the idea that life is a test. In school we learn how to take tests and why we take test. If you don't remember why we take test or just missed that lesson in school or just need a reminder, I'll full you in. We take tests to know where we are on the learning process and to see what we can handle. So life simply put, tests are a measure of what you can handle, what you've learned, and how you learn. So what happens after you take a test in school? Do they just throw out the test when you're done and pretend nothing just happened. NO! They take the test and assess how well you did. Do they stop there, NO! They not just compare it to what you've been doing they use it to measure what you can do-your future potential. So what's this saying? Mildly put-what you've done in a test and previous tests gives you an idea of what you're going to accomplish in life. Now please note that though this can change it will only change after the one being tested sees that they are under performing (once again proof as to why life need be a test-how else would you know if you were meeting your potential) and adjusts themselves, better prepares, or makes significant changes in lieu of reaching a higher goal. Here's where the free ride I just gave you ends and you get to ask yourself am I comfortable with my test results and does it seem like I'm going to end up where I want to. Please remember that the only change that is permanent is one that left your mind and became action that continued in a definite (outwardly confirmed either in writing or by entrusting others to hold you to this plan, change, idea.) plan you follow through despite numerous (or none at all) failures and circumstances.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


The idea of being without motion. Though some things that actually appear motionless to the naked eye are not when viewed with an instrument. What exactly am I saying. I'm speaking of moments in the middle of a project that seem or just plain feel motionless. Projects at start can often appear motionless or just after your personal excitement for the project takes a hit or wears out. Either way. Even though an object is in constant motion it's not necessarily going to keep the same speed or movement pattern. Just cause something seems motionless doesn't mean it's dead. Someone in a comma is not necessarily dead. There are different states of even a comma. Ponder this. There are medical signs used to judge the difference between someone who is alive in a comma and someone who is dead. Though keep in mind people that a team of Dr's wrote off as for sure dead have not only woken from commas but come out completely in tact. What am I saying? A business, life, and project are as successful as you are willing to want, believe and desire them to be. Though remember that even though a Dr's ability to predict the outcome of a comma is correct the majority of the time it's not a hundred percent. Make sure or at least consider a check list for when death is certain and then create a clause that allows for what conditions you will go the extra mile for. Happy motion sensing!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Growth Plan (Success Plan)

The John Maxwell Company:

'via Blog this'
So my friend sent me the link to this page and as I read it. Something stood out over the rest, it was, 'Have a personal growth plan'. I mean I think about how I could be, should be, and am better. Though I've never actually thought of an actual concrete plan or written it down. This got me thinking and hoping I could give someone else a light bulb moment who is where I am, hasn't even gotten to this idea, or has but didn't realize it's implications in the idea of leadership. We are all leaders at one point in time or all the time and if we aren't we are followers. Though which ever you are and no matter what stage of it you're in there is still room for growth aka- improvement. Just like when you own a home there is constant need to keep it up or improve it to improve it's value or even to maintain it's value. The fact is we all need constant up keep to maintain or get better. How do you intend to do this, when, and how often will you take steps to improve, grow, or be better. Yep you need a plan for how you intend and will want to grow (improve upon yourself), cause a man (woman) with a plan (map) has a destination (success).

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Love Me!

I just want to be loved. I don't want to be a window shopper anymore. I want to be able to afford what the store of love is selling and I want to shop there often. I want them to know me as a regular and miss me when they don't see me. I want to smile like the happy shoppers I see coming in and out of the shop of love. I often find myself asking into the air hoping someone somewhere is hearing my wish. When will I be fortunate to know that same joy I see all around me. I know some live without it but yet my heart yearns for it. I'm not envious of what others have but I want my own. I don't want to share. I want my very own. To feel this feeling I see all around me to genuinely experience it. I've found that I can't beg my way into the store of Love. Nor has wishing worked. So what does work. I'm starting to get frustrated but I can't believe that this can be that hard to just shop in a store where so many people are shopping at. Some of these people didn't even want it as much as me. Look at them so careless with their goods as if it didn't even matter. All I want is Love.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

If you only knew!

I've just picked my self off the nastiest floor from the crazies mistake I've made in the past two years. It's so nasty I'm still spitting from the taste. I sure did bite in as if it was food to be eaten but it wasn't even food. I'm still blurred from all that darkness as to what it is I actually put in my mouth. Though I do know I don't want to even kind of do that again. We all make mistakes! It's not the mistake or you questioning your judgement that you should think about but you should focus on what happens next. What happened after the mistake. How did you react? How did you process it? What did you do next? All this is far more important than the actual mistake. Why? Cause it's what keeps you from repeating the mistake over and over again. It's what tells your subconscious that yes, that was something not to repeat. In some cases we leave the wrong imprint in our minds and think instead that we can repeat it if some aspects are different. Let me tell you what you have or are refusing to learn. A Cycle! Cycles are situations you are consciously and subconsciously refusing to learn from. So do you and everyone else who is being effected by your stubbornness a favor and learn! You are not a dog and yes you can learn new tricks.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

No! Don't Leave, you are where you need to be.

 Some times in life a place begins to resemble a dead end or a place people go to die(or ideas). When you find that your life seems stagnant even if it's just in one area stop. Be quiet(Be still). Why,  because you are distracted from what is right in front of you. This thing, key, access door, idea, vision is in plain sight but requires you to see, understand, or learn of it's presence.  How can you do this if you aren't teachable, open minded, or even focused. Don't let all the things you have found yourself trapped in, responsible for, required to do, obligated to assist, or just plain involved in to take you off your true target- YOUR LIFE! The opportunity is already there-where you are now. It takes clearing your mind, a new wine skin for a new wine cause if you use the old wine skin for the new wine it will burst and you will be crying over spilled wine. Everyday you are given an opportunity to look at everything around you differently. Do you? Do you check to see all the views of your life to get the best possible angle. It's like taking a picture of  a door frame. In one angle you can see the hinges in another you can see the inside of the frame. Don't run from where you find yourself in life but instead learn how to truly understand where you are from different vantage point. Cause I guarantee you missed something, something that has been there all along waiting for you to discover it. Please see it cause it could be something that changes all our lives or even just yours. People who saw it Bill Gates, Margret Thatcher, Mother Teresa, and some day soon you.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Bitter Sweet.

What do you want? In life you'll ask yourself this question often and other people will ask you this question too. The thing with life is each situation will be different have a different outcome or pressure unique to the surrounding circumstances.  You'll find that you not just question yourself, you make sure. One of the things that make this question a bummer question is when you, at the time the question pops up, don't know the answer. If you've seen the twix advert that promotes you stuffing your mouth with a twix to avoid the need to answer immediately or muffle an unrecognizable response. Then you've definitely thought of other ways to get that result without irritating the person on the receiving end of the behavior. The real truth is not knowing what you want can put you in an awkward situation, a sort of waiting game. Waiting to see if something will just help you to instantly know what you want. How do you figure out what you want? What helps you to decided ? Do your rules and way of handling the situation change with every time you're faced with decisions. The bitter truth of life is we will always doubt ourselves. But the sweet truth is through doubt we can find truth. Hit or miss any choice is always better than no choice.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Paying attention to your body.

Sometimes your body temperature rises or you just can't keep warm. Constantly hot or cold. A twing here or  there with a little back spasm to add to it. All these are cries from a body that lacks care. Be it a health freak or a coach potatoes when it comes to your body you will rue the day it decides to protest against you. Being that our bodies are a delicate modern marvel we should be more respective of them. Even better said would be take care of it while you can before the small pain becomes sever pain. Before the temperature becomes a flu. Before what was just your body saying be a little more careful with me become, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!!!  So get that motivation to make it to the gym, go for that walk, or just park a little further from the store and carry your groceries instead of using a cart when its just a few item. It's harder to fix a broken body than maintain one that isn't yet a right off.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Courting Life

All things are fun and exciting in the getting to know stage of things. When you're still curious and everything is new. You are amazed by even the smallest things and nothing is yet enough or often enough to irritate you yet. I call it the false beauty. Why? Cause it's easy to over look the imperfections of things when you are in this stage. You gloss over annoying moments and events. After watching 'We are Family' a Bollywood movie I came to feel more appreciation for being content with the moments one is given. Being so lost in what isn't there is a common mistake everyone makes at some stage of their life. Being able to be content with what you are afforded in life isn't always easy. A mother who after a fresh divorce with a husband she still loves but understands won't work discovers she has pelvic cancer after meeting the husbands new love. She then embarks on her struggle with her impending loss of life while welcoming even beginning the process of this woman replacing her in what was once her family. Why wait til you are near death or what ever you are waiting for, when this is a moment. Just like any other moment that you will experience in life. The thing is moments are priceless and should be enjoyed cause you can't recreate them or get them back. So don't forget to be willing to get caught in the hype even if it seems foolish. Just remember to be responsible cause the real truth is what happens in Vegas doesn't stay there it stays in your memories. Don't put things in your memory you don't want to relive over and over, cause that's what you do when you get old.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The condition of the Human Being

So here I am watching the most realistically painful emotional movie I think I've ever watched and constantly contemplating if I should just stop watching. Due to the level of pain being witnessed and the level of emotion I'm experiencing just watching. The movie I'm referring to is called 'Aftershock', released in 2010 by director Xiaogang Feng is based on a very real devastating earthquake that shakes a Chinese city in a way that leaves invisible and some visible scars. The worst kind of scars are the ones we bear on our hearts. The ones people don't see coming or don't even know exists til they stubble on them. The problem with these types of scars is not the scaring but the behaviors that results. In this movie a mother has to chose between her twin boy and daughter who should live. In her struggle to decide she almost looses the chance to save either. Then she essentially loses the one child she didn't choose who ends up living long after the mother has gone in search of aide for the child she did choose. Only the child she didn't choose is unable to forgive her mothers choice and for 32years never goes back or even wants to look back. There are more scenes in this movie even more emotional and thought provoking. What I did take away from the movie is simply you can not know loss until you've experienced it but even more important we are limited by our thoughts.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Out of the ashes rises the Phoenix

I'm not typically one for movies that appear to be sad or overly heavy sad emotional type movies. Though today I needed something with substance, something that would feed, or give me something I needed. I once read a book which described how these Israelite men and women would go to the movies just so they could cry. Some would start as soon as the movie began others would wait till the sadness of the movie triggered them to cry. Today I learned just how important it is to let yourself feel the full force of an emotion. Holding on to pain, anger, or just the anxiety of not knowing can be even more devastating than letting yourself feel the emotion. I chose the movie 'Aftershock' to assist me with unwrapping, a digging deeper. Since it had become obvious to even me that I needed to feel my emotions in their true form. I, like many other people, or maybe even you, was becoming overwhelmed by the emotions that were over taking my life.  As we all do from time to time.  Only sometimes the build up gets to be so much there is no way to release without a breakdown, melt down, or worse.......insanity. After having witnessed such, not personally but from a close distance, I know to say don't wait til you are at your last wits end to release what ever it is that is or has build up in you. Take time or force yourself to be free of stress or things that are the cause of your stress.