I found my match physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My whole body tingled with excitement and I couldn’t hold it in. I unraveled with excitement. When I found that my match was taken and he didn’t even believe himself to be my match I recoiled. Then he for some reason of his own coaxed me out of my shell completely. Out in the open with nothing to cover and hide. He then made it clear he was not available. Naked as Day working hard to not find shame I stood. Working hard to not be angry to not bat a lash or disturb a soul. Again I stood alone in the woods with no soul to console me. To the harsh world full of difficult moments I return. To remember to not harden my heart and to stave off bitterness. For wolves have been known to dawn sheep’s skin.
It’s so easy to become angry and dejected. But no one forced me out of my shell. I came out willingly even with full anticipation. I did have hope. I did get encouragement. Though in the end I chose to come out. From every angle the view is awkward. I could say it wasn’t worth the trip out of the shell. But it’s clear I was looking to leave the shell. For why else did I find excitement outside the shell. Not that the shell lacked excitement of its own. Though it seems clear that I may have outgrown the shell.
So comes the dilemma to return to whence I came or to simply go another way. Back to before I sniffed out a reason to leave the shell that had seemed to be becoming a second skin. No I feel so awkward to assume the position to re-enter the shell. I think it best to adapt to being exposed to the elements. How long will I last without an outer skin? So many things I know not. What is a life that fears the unknown but one that forever requires shelter to avoid. I will not hide though I know not what May come. I will embrace the options and go as I am knowing I am enough.
