Thursday, October 24, 2013


Why do you want what you want? I'm asking myself this question because I've gotten to a space of life that I have to grow up, as one of my co-workers said to me. She said this after a conversation about her morning routine. She is a married woman with two children. So every morning she wakes by 4:30 am even if she's not working and gets her husband ready for work as well as any chore she can fit in, she then goes back to bed. When she wakes a few hours later she gets her children ready for their day or on a work day she goes to work. So I being a mother can relate to the being stuck to an almost instituted schedule. Though where I don't relate and honestly have secretly appreciated, was the husband aspect. So since I was in a sharing mood I stated just how I felt almost fortunate that I didn't have the extra responsibility. She then reminded me that that husbands come with perks(No doubt not everyone thinks this all the time but at least most people would agree with her.) Now I have to say that when she told me to flat out grow up, I was so not expecting that. I'd never had someone say it like that before. I had to ask myself why didn't I want to grow up. I know!!! Who wants to leave the land of imagination and join the hordes of my husband this and that. I love knowing I can imagine something and do it without checking with someone. Though don't get me wrong the older I get the lonelier it becomes when almost all my friends are married, my siblings, and almost all my cousins old enough to get married are.  I won't lie the world makes you feel weird when you admit to fearing the institution of marriage. So you learn to keep it to yourself and a very select few. Though for the first time I had to ask myself if it all was just me not wanting to ever have to grow up. Then came the final question what do I want and why? Which reminded me of these lyrics, 'have what you want but want what you have'. So while I let that roll around in my head and I face what it appears are things I've avoided I'll keep asking myself; What do you really want? You should know, cause it matters.