The follies of Childish money

You learn how to eat, to be respectful, and the basic how to's of life as a child. So then why shouldn't it be the same way for money. Why are parents so scared of teaching their children about money management and the uses of it as a child.

If you haven't noticed yet there is a direct correlation between poverty and the lack of understanding of how to use money. Money well spent and the spending of money are valuable childhood and not adulthood lessons. Yet too many parents leave the money lessons even they've learned for the world to teach their own children. Do you not want your children to succeed in life or even to at least have a handle on their finances?

 “Bend like the grass that you may not break”, says Nathan in Nectar in a Sieve, by Kamala Markandaya

The joy of a parent is that you should want for your children to be better than you. What better way than to keep them from repeating your financial mistakes than by teaching them right from your not to do financial playbook as a child. Right off the bat. Cause guess what becomes not just a habit but a way of life, the things you learned to do as a child. They in some cases become automatic, things you can't avoid doing or feel strange stopping, traditions.

I know you have financial behaviors you wished you displayed as a child or that your parents encouraged you to do as a child. Why not teach or do for your own kids these things.

If you want some of the resources I've found or suggestions comment or inbox me. I never mind helping, cause someone helps me when I need help, exactly what I hope you will do for your children.

Get connected cause it might just save your life.

It's one thing to know a bunch of people, but its something entirely different to stay connected. Actually knowing what's going on in their lives and contributing to making a difference. A community is something to be held, but a connected and supportively vibrant community full of connections and positive continuous interactions is awesome (priceless). 

I'm coming to see that there are two prominent factors to this. The first being, not knowing where to being and the latter being not thinking that your input or attempts to reach out matter. We matter! Your voice, touch, and attempts to care matter. Don't let fear or rejection make you feel small or of no value. You are valuable as is your input on the lives of others. Don't get lost in you but get found in your relationships with others and your understanding of your unique value. Don't forget to be you. 

As for the beginning. All you need is to step, you've always known how. You probably just spent way too much mental time doubting that it was the right thing. Though if you ask me even if it's a wrong move a move is a move. Sometimes in wrong we find right but you have to first be willing to try.

Walk, pull, walk, adjust, repeat

You get to a certain age where certain things are not cute anymore. When age becomes visible wisdom.( Please note, just as common sense isn't common, nor is this.)

What I'm referring to is when a woman outgrows certain types of clothing and physical expressions of self. A great example of this is clothes that need constant adjustment because the woman wearing it feels she might accidentally expose too much. Then there's the phase where everything should be tight, cause you just have to flaunt everything and some more; as if a man couldn't still see it when it's all covered up.

   'Trust me they know what you got naked or covered to the nines like a Nun, they know!'

I feel that eventually a woman knows what's a waste of time and priorities change. Sex may sell but are you selling it?

Who is the real stubborn goat in this equation?

You can predict you, control you, and work on you but in others none of these are true often, frequently, or hardly ever. So what do you do when someone left fields you, totally hits you at an angle you never saw them coming from. What happens when you've tried everything to help them see that they need to change and still nothing has come of all your efforts.

You change!

You change because only you can change you. You can motivate, inspire, and be an example to others but in the end the only thing you ever really change is you. So don't give up but give in to who you will need to be to overcome this obstacle or to stop being bothered by someone else's inability to change.

Live the life that's there to be lived

'Oh, the places you'll go!'- Dr. Seuss
Where is your attention? Is it in the here and now or are you caught up dreaming of what life will be like when you have it the way you're envisioning it to be. As great as your vision for your life is, so is your life now. I'm saying that no matter the level of issues or problems you face or don't face, the here and now of life is just as spectacular as the future of life will be. Why? Because if you are waiting to live life, then know that you are wasting life. Cause what happens here and now is far more valuable and important than what will happen in this future you are putting your hope on. Enjoy now. I'm not saying forget about the vision or making things better for yourself, but as you are don't forget that your life is happening. So don't let it pass you by as you wait to live it. Start now and then continue in that future that you are seeing yourself live. For regrets are born off of missed opportunities. So why not live now, so you live better and not bitter.

The Right Kind of Wrong.

So I watched this movie, 'The Right Kind of Wrong.'-it's on Netflix.
So as fun as this movie is to watch for someone like me who loved the real story in the back as much as the technology hard to miss forefront story.

My point of talking about this movie is the thing it sparked or more like brought to the forefront of my attention.

I recently got a second chance at something I so comfortably threw away but now know that I was short a few marbles in my younger years. So. I fell in love but wasn't expecting to and frankly found it a bit inconveniencing as it didn't fit into my best laid plans at the time. As any seasoned planner knows- 'Man Plans and God laughs'. So when I couldn't see how this great guy could fit into what I had planned, I made it clear to him. Despite his adamant requests for me to reconsider and for us to at least stay friends. I ended it one beautiful day by simply telling him, 'If you love something you have to let it go, and if it comes back then you know it's yours.' Who knew I would come back. He sure didn't, so much so, he even tried to move on.

No but what this movie did for me was help me put in perspective is, that there are wrong people for us. There just are. No matter how good they looked at the start. As the movie put it best, 'We are all wrong for someone...'

So know that we are right for someone.

Hesitation

Hesitation is to me that moment that I pause. It's not the actual waiting second that either leads to procrastination or action. No, it's that clean unadulterated moment you come upon an idea. Way before you let the world or even you taint it. It's the purest most genuine moment of the idea. Even before you think of what the idea will cost you or it's value. It's the love at first sight actual sight moment. Could you just imagine the picture opportunities, if you could take a mental shot of the visual of what your mind was actually seeing in that hesitation moment. I just imagine this breathtaking awe inspiring view of greatness. Then the moment after is to me much like that moment when the last Israelite steps out of the Red Sea and the water begins to crash back in on itself. (-Please note this is all a mental play on image and mental magnitude.) For the mind is far more powerful than we give it credit. Take a moment the next time you have an idea to just savor the moment of purity that is the idea undisturbed, just before even you begin to hack at it. Why, because you'll find that you might just respect and appreciate the most simplest but valuable gift to man. The ability to birth a dream.

My Dream of how I think things should be.

Experience teaches us what we just don't KNOW!!!'- Soki Emmanuel Dokubo
This post is totally without any hesitation a root off the Post above- Please click it and read it first(It is very much worth your while) You might also want to follow the Group WISDOM FOR LIFE on Facebook.








If any of us knew everything then ooh wee, we'd be King in the Land of the One eyed blind. Just simply saying it would be the golden key of all keys.


Your story is your experience and what it holds is great. The stories of people become history. The secrets to ones success is in your story.

The Dreamer vs. The Realist

Now don't get me wrong I'm definitely not one to condone the absence of dreaming or being a dreamer. It's just someone I know well kept accusing me of being a Dreamer. I at the time assumed it to be an insult.

In life you have to dream to get somewhere. The idea usually comes before the act. Dreaming is the idea of what could be that is essential to feeling the sense of accomplishment that comes hand in hand with having achieved a goal (a.k.a success).

Now as nice as all of that is, the truth is, 'actions speak louder than words'. So a dream without action = dead hope. Also known as the field of dreams, where dreams go to die. If you never act on or follow through on an idea it will always be just that, a dream. A dreamer is someone who only dreams. When you act on your dreams the realities of your limitations and true situation become clear then guess who just found reality.

Now none of these is new ( at least to me). What has been changing but recently became clear to me is the massive importance of slow and many actions versus rigidly sticking to the vision.  No doubt the goal is to accomplish the vision ( the Grand Puba- aka The Big Idea- your Dream). Though if you've never succeeded or haven't even started yet don't hurt yourself, just know that you have to start taking step. The speed is never the point. Just that you are moving and looking for holes or ways to sidestep walls you find in the way.

The part where reality vs. the Dream comes to play is when you are so focused on the dream you aren't seeing that you are limiting your progress and closing the door to opportunities that are advantageous and beneficial. What haven't you done or what aren't you doing to make it happen. What could you be doing that you aren't. Gut wrenching and honest assessment the use of which is the difference between Dreamer and Realist. Though a gut wrenching that wasn't implemented still makes for a Dreamer(me).

There's no running from heart breaks.

If you live in this world long enough. Someone is bound to break your heart. Step on it or just flat out disappoint you. At which point you will without fail experience pain. The kind of pain that, even though it had nothing to do with you hurting any part of your body, you'll ache physically. Running from the pain or attempts to avoid feeling the full force should be cautioned against. Pain has a place and purpose in everyones life. Having pain of an emotional nature should never be something you fear. It should be something you embrace.

'I haven't gone mad!' 

I've learned that positive things can emerge from what can be considered a negative. Plus if you don't let yourself get a chance to feel, realize, and get over the pain it will be there still. It might not be visible to others but it won't heal. A wound only heals with time and care.

Imagine it... me the creme de la creme.

I'm crying on the inside. I think it might just spill to the outside soon enough. I can't take it anymore.

There is nothing wrong with who I am. I'm a beautiful woman who has realistic goals and a bright future. If I can stay focused on me and my child. If the dream to not be alone doesn't drive me nuts then another form of distraction usually with two legs will.

 It should not be a crime that I want to meet someone who isn't intimidated by me. Someone who doesn't want to change me. Someone who isn't afraid of relationships due to baggage. Someone who isn't going to freak out along the way. Someone who isn't in an awkward situation already.

And no! I want it to happen naturally. I also want him to be honest and open minded. I don't want to be lied to. I don't want to dictate I just want to be compatible. I do want however to be the focal point. The creme de la creme. I want to be the cherry on top. Sought after for not just the appeal but for the value I bring to things. Shouldn't life be so sweet.

The sacrifices that impact many.

The things we give up so that others might have life. It is the plight of man and more and more so for women in this modern world. The idea of giving up something or changing course so that someone else can do have or achieve while you patiently wait to do or just sit by and support can be painful. Though what most people never fully grasp is how much more meaningful and important that act can be, than the many options they pictured. Sacrifice is an act of love that can cost anything as simple as lost time and then as total as your life. The greatest one I can describe would be the idea that Jesus gave his life for the sake of individuals. While that idea is the extreme of sacrifice. There is the more relatable example of the stay at home mom, or the mom who forgoes sleep to care for a child. Now the sacrifices the mother makes are often thought of as requirements of motherhood in reality it's a conscious choice that a woman makes. The cost of putting yourself after someone elses needs is well rewarded when in the end they get somewhere even you can be proud of. 

In the book, The Promise of a Pencil: How an Ordinary Person Can Create Extraordinary Change, Adam Braun points out the moment he gets to help his grandma see just one of the ways that her sacrifices to stay alive in Auschwitz and later her choices as a mother and now grandmother have payed off. It is beautiful to see one's impact on the life of one and how it later influences other peoples lives. It just further proves that sacrifice for others has a reward far greater than one can ever imagine.

So be a stay at home mother or a friend who just gets that your life, time, and efforts are worthwhile when used for someone else even when you could be doing you instead. So on those mundane moments when you pause and think, 'This isn't even for me, why am I bothering myself like this". Just keep in mind the life you are changing or helping and know that they will touch and affect many, just by your one or many acts to help out and being there.
If no one has told you already, 'Keep up the good work.'

My values or glitter which one rules the day?

"All that glitters is not Gold"- William Shakespeare 

What has your attention and isn't letting go?

 When you are caught by an idea that plagues or has you in its innermost depths it isn't a guarantee that you will succeed. The only guarantee is that something caught your attention. If you find that it should keep your attention then you have to do the work. 

Don't forget to ask yourself what your true motivation is. Is it the vision of all the comfort and material possession that will come when you pursue this idea.Then again I could be wrong and you haven't had your attention stolen by glitter and are on a real life path that will bring you tons of inconvenient moments, agony, ostracization at truly incredulous lengths, regrets you couldn't have imagined, but ultimately will give you that unshakable feeling that you have truly made the world a better place for someones(even if in the beginning that someone is just you).

Having the right motivation isn't a guarantee that you will succeed. Nothing in life is guaranteed. The only thing you control is how you view something, what you attempt to do about it, and how you receive the things that happen. Your values will play a part but in the end you'll really know what your sell out price is or just how willing you are to stand for what you believe.

No matter what you read or are told...in the end it will be you and what you chose that will matter. Glitter or Gold?

Twenty questions.

Why do you get a say? What gives you the right to do and undo? What's so wrong with just letting me have it my way all the time or at least most of the time? Why can't I be emotionally cold when it suits me? What's your real concern with my inability to connect with you on a emotional level when we discuss? Why do you get so easily upset? What have I done that put you over the edge this time? Why did such a small thing blow up so big? Why should it bother you so much that I have an opinion and I need you to at least hear me out? Why do you assume I'm out to control you? What's wrong with me expressing an issue I have? Why can't we at least try it my way? What is so important about this thing that you can't even hear reason? What's the big deal? How else can one get their point along if they don't talk? When did it become a crime to talk out a problem? Why did this have to be a battle of who's on top? Why does it matter that you prove you are the man in every little thing? What do you gain from this? Why can't you just hear me out and try my way of doing things just this once?

I'm not Better Than.

There's this understanding I have that keeps me from despair. It's a very simple understanding but oh, does it humble me.

 'At any given time there is always someone doing better than me and someone far worse off than me.'

I think it takes off the big head syndrome. Big head- when someone is full of themselves, thinks overly highly of themselves due to their achievements.

It helps to know that your circumstance or situation is not unique. It always feels better to know you're not alone in any situation. Why? Cause what's better than knowing other people have made the same mistake and you're not the first.

Life's not a popularity contest.

If it were then it would be about who can flash the most swag, how much money you make, your pull in life. No life is not about the quality or quantity of our material goods. It's definitely not about the impressiveness of your social status. Nor is it about how well you do in life.

Life is about how we treat one another. It's about what's inside of us. It's about our ethics towards one another. It's about her ability to think beyond ourselves. It's about our boldness to fight for what is right not what we desire. It's about our ability to go above and beyond what we imagine for ourselves.

I know you're reading this and wondering what is she on. Though I know that even you will learn or already know that there is more value in relationships with people then there is with a bank account. There's far more value in how I treat another human being then there is with how Mary or John think of me- aka social bullying.

Know what's important and worth valuing, cause otherwise a waste you will be.

What does Love have to do with it?

 Just finished watching 'Divorce Invitation' courtesy my Netflix subscription. I'd been avoiding this movie but it kept popping up on my suggestions. I couldn't help thinking how ludicrous and crass could people be to make such a movie (all based on the title). For the longest I've been in love with the romantic Cinderella side of marriage.(Can you tell I've never been married.)  The thing is I was very close once. He was mad about me and I genuinely loved him. Yes I said that aloud. I never told him though that I loved him but he told and showed me in many ways. I even invited him to Thanksgiving. By the way I don't invite people to Thanksgiving. Even my son's father only got an invite when I needed to manipulate him to be able to have my cake and eat it too (having my kid for the Holiday and making my kid happy that he didn't have to choose.) So you see I really was into this guy. Now I know you want to know what was wrong with him. Nothing real. Yes I repeat, Nothing real. He bought the perfect house in a great neighborhood well below market value and it was more than affordable. The house had five bedrooms all on one floor and every room was spacious, with two and a half baths. There were even two living rooms one with a fireplace that opened up to a porch with a beautiful garden and the other with a Bay window. The kitchen opened up to a deck. The backyard faced homes full of children I could only imagine how our kids would all play together and we would be the best of neighbors. One day while cooking in the kitchen while he worked on the yard I knew I could just see it. Only the next day as we drove out of the garage with my son in the back seat, all I could think is man the neighbors can see it too as a neighbor waved us goodbye, the perfect couple. The problem was it didn't feel perfect. Something felt wrong. Leave it to me to be paranoid. I've always believed if I didn't feel perfect about something then it wasn't right for me. (Now please note that as I've live more life since then I'm not sure that I'm correct or even sane for thinking this but hey, I'll let you know when I've lived more life.) So I did the only right thing. I told him and ended it. Only he wouldn't let me and he just kept trying to convince me we could work it out. Now I'm as stubborn as women come, once I make up my mind and I feel free of what was burdening me, I will fight tooth and nail to remain free. So that was that, so I thought. I moved to the City and forgot this choice. As I was leaving I comforted myself with this rumor I heard that he was engaged and though it hurt, I thought good for him. So years later I returned from the City full of scars, life changing lessons, and a better understanding of what's really important in life- relationships and how we treat people.  So I found a way to check up on him and his first words in a public setting to me were, 'There's the woman who ruined my chances for a happy marriage.'. Oh did I want to run and shrink into nothing. I quickly high tailed it out of there and spent the next two years being cordial when I ran into him and avoiding him when I could. Then I found the perfect church and the perfect section. I got comfortable and even though I knew I would be moving soon, (really was just hoping at that point) I was in a great place. Then one day as I exited the auditorium I walked right into him. Him and his friends kindly informed me that this had been their section for a long time, longer than me. Now you're wondering how I didn't see them. Well I sit in the front by the two story drop while they sit in the back to avoid the somewhat scary view of the drop to ground level. I always rushed in and out as I never had anyone in that section but that day I was killing time, cause my son had asked that I give him time to play after his service. Ouch! I had a choice. As I've always believed there are some things that happen for a reason. So I kept going to my section, only when he asked if I join him and his friends, I decided against it. So what's the big deal why the whole story. One day I run into him again and this time he tells me his situation and how he, of course, still loves me. For the first time in our lives I (Ha Ha, you thought I would say I told him I love him- Ha! Yah! That would be home wrecking 101.) broke down and let him help me regain my composure. After which I insisted we make an appointment to talk. So after hearing him out I realize it would be home wrecking if I even let him or I entertain this idea and was really glad I didn't tell him how I felt. I did tell him that if he had wanted me so much he should have waited and he would have had me. No, I didn't make a mistake all those years. So the big deal with the movie was I realized that A. I did the right thing not entertaining the idea and B. Marriage is romantic because people make the effort to make it so. Marriage isn't about picking the right person (even though I still think it helps to at least pick a match that you are attracted to and totally dig), it's about sticking with it (This is why the dig part matters-you need motivation), NO MATTER WHAT, til death do you part.

If you have nothing nice to say then....

So what's the big deal with saying nothing verses what's really on your mind to say, It's simple. When you demean or put down another human being for whatever reason it will not win you a Nobel Peace prize, bring you respect, make you a person to cherish, I could go on. It's never been proven that breaking down another human being does any significant real or permanent good for either party involved. Really how long will you the one throwing the negative acid feel good about it. The only proven thing to help people recover faster, be lifted up, or even feed peace in life is positive words spoken and heard. A criminal is someone whose negative influences and encounters out weigh the positive ones. So every time you spit out vile words keep in mind what part you play in the bigger picture of life and just how far your negative words spoken in a moment of pain will go. You will never hurt as much as your words do. Hold your tongue 'For the power of life and death are in the tongue.'- Proverb 18:21(The Bible)

The Well Worn Path

If the only path you have to follow is the well worn path then life would be a no brainer because we would have it all there clearly marked for us to follow. Though if you ask me as much as there are so many well worn paths I keep finding myself where there aren't well worn paths. As hard as I try to stay on the well worn path I find I only end up off the path when I make an effort. It's like I'm destined to not be normal. Whatever that is. I'm so sure normal doesn't describe me. Though the more I look around the more I find it really doesn't describe anyone. We can spend our whole lives wanting to be this 'normal' and staying on the well worn path but if you ask me it would all be a lie. So today I except that I am normal because normal is me. I define my normal and I am the maker of what will someday be a well worn path. Just because a path hasn't been beaten to it's threadbare state that bonifies it as well worn doesn't mean it's not on it's way to earning this clear distinction. After all a few don't make for a well worn path. It takes the many and the constant for any path to get this honor of highly chosen course of action- The Well Worn path. So know that as you walk the paths of your life some will already bare the title 'Well worn path' while others will have yet a ways to go. No matter the path your steps and where you walk it will all count. 

Repercussions

So there is this basic life understanding that when you do something there is the likely hood that something can come of it and it might not be favorable. Kind of like a boomarang returns to it's source. So I've spent a huge portion of my life breaking hearts. It's wasn't all for the pleasure of it, sometimes it just was. So it should be natural that eventually someone would have to break mine. Only the thing is I never though that I would be responsible for breaking my own heart. Though I felt I was cutting an arm that needed to be cut so as to get on with it (life as I imaged it). Though now looking back on this situation through the eyes of the one, whom I caused far more harm than I ever intended, I can say I feel your pain. At the time I was causeing the pain I did clearly see and can now admit knowing that I caused sever injuries. I felt it was neccessary. I felt I was being honest and of course honesty is the best policy. I however have learned since then that I hate the serious questions we have to ask ourselves. Even more I hate the serious conversations we have to have with others. Though as amazing an escape artist I am, even I have learned that there comes a time in life that we must face the messes we make and do what we can for the injuries our actions cause. Now I'm not saying hang yourself or anything major. All I'm saying is own your mistakes and be willing to give a helping hand in helping someone recover from the injuries you inflict. WARNING: Don't loose yourself giving a hand to uplift another. Certainly help but know when they are just looking to see you suffer as a way of getting better. Then there's the instance where it's going to need a third party( a counselor) to assist in a healthy and safe mending process. Don't go it alone if you feel the situation seems heavy and a repeat of the original situation that had you feeling cornered and escaping in any manner necessary. 

So here's to clean up on isle 4.

The ending

Sometimes we feel we have it all figured out. No one knows tomorrow is a very true and real line. Cause even when we have it all mapped out and scheduled, it can still turn out differently. So no plan is perfect because of the element we call  life. As someone used to remind me, 'Never say never'. Why? Cause the same way you don't know what tomorrow brings you don't know where you might end back up. So as my father says, as you climb up the ladder of life make sure to leave things on good terms with people. Don't snob anybody and never think yourself too good to hang with anyone. He also said when in Rome do as the Romans do. After all if they were good enough for you on the way up then they should still be good enough on the way down.

Brain pick

   The art of picking your brain. Knowing what choices you make and why you make them. I've found that  playing back events accurately in your mind, kind of like a review of the game, can give you an advantage in life. Much like a review of the game helps you to see what you couldn't while you were playing because you were concentrating on playing the game. Life is similar in that while you're in a moment your focus is limited, it's not possible to see every single angle and possibility. So it helps to review moments in life with elements of occurrences that surprised or aspects that disappointed you. This not only helps you to get a better look at the situation but you get to know what the full situation was. Players review the game to see what they could do better, their strengths, and how they performed.
  Why shouldn't you review moments in your life that hold some significance to you and then with time you can get into the habit of just reviewing everything. Why? Cause why wouldn't you want to be your best you. It also makes you pay attention to what kind of person you are becoming in all situations. Mainly when you are aware of your assets you can see how to best use them. They say the weakest link in a chain determines the strength of the chain. Well if you know your weaknesses then you can see how and what triggers them by reviewing situation where you felt you could be better. Self evaluation is always more effective than when someone else evaluates your performance because we are ten time much harder on ourselves than others, especially when we don't have to share the information of our finding. So know what you need to know about yourself by reviewing what you do, so you can be in control of who you are becoming and where you are going as well as what you stand for. So get to picking you don't know what you'll find.

The looking glass or a realistic reality of dreams.

The beauty of life is you should not always be one thing and that one thing all the time.  Just like you will have sad days some days while others will be happy ones. The important thing is understanding that life must always be a balance.  As long as you don't always go around feeling like you are a failure or look happy even when you are not, you will probably be just fine.  Life is real.  This means that you will have conflicts and triumphs so long as you keep trying your best.  

The one thing life and situations should never relieve you of is your ability to fight.  Knowing when to fight and when to rest is crucial to keeping the balance. As well as knowing what is worth fighting for.  Though what is worth fighting for is best decided by you seeing as you get to deal with the consequences. Know what's important to you and what you can do away with. 

Don't drop the ball of life, that juggling act we all carry out everyday maintaining balance for the sake of whatever reason we seek balance, then again it's just a mess when it does fall to the ground.  If I were you I wouldn't worry about dropping the ball till I did. What would be the point of worrying seeing as you were unable to prevent it.  Is having to clean a mess really worth you losing peace of mind over. All the lost moments that could have been better spent if you weren't so focused on what shouldn't go wrong or what inevitably did go wrong. Deal with life as each stage comes not before the outcome has even showed up.  Enjoy dreaming and if it doesn't work dream some more. While you dream please don't forget to work on reality making it a better picture and putting in the work required also. 

Reality Struck!

Everyone has an opinion a notion of how it all should be but what do you do when reality never meets up- should you fight or just except that that just isn't your story. I'm speaking of fighting for a relationship. That moment when it all begins to fall apart into reality when the Cloud 9 everything is perfect dust wears off. When you and them start to picture your future. Everyone will give you advice but in the end its your move. Don't beat yourself up whatever you decided no matter the outcome. As long as you gave it your best. Cause in the end your best is all you have to give. 

Not good enough

"Not good enough."  This statement usually means you're yourself to something else or someone. I'm rating myself and the things I do and create to what others have done and created. Your race/efforts in life are not born of the same as the other person you are comparing yourself to. So your outcome can never match up or be equivalent to theirs. I know this but I still find myself using others successes and failures as measuring sticks for my life. It's like I can't get past just going off of what I've done so far compared to where I'm trying to get to. I know that no matter which way I try I can't measure up to anyone else. All that energy could be better spent on looking at what I'm striving to achieve in life instead. What do I even want from my efforts? What do I want of myself in completing a project? What is even still important to me? What do I want to accomplish or work out?  Don't worry about how you want it to look.- Now that's and idea. I should just go for it and stop thinking so hard. I find that I spend far too much time assessing and far too little doing. Cause after all my mind is a direction an idea of how to begin. An idea is not in any way shape or form an outcome but just a starting point. So never bank on your idea being your out come- it will result in fustration, irritation, and if not careful depression. Instead focus on what you want to achieve. Use the idea in your head to figure out direction and intensity. Use it to figure out the values or measurements for this thing you seek to create. Cause everything in life is in essence a project, including you, which you create. 

Help!

Are you open to help. I've never really been one to allow others to assist me unless I was almost desperate. I wait till I'm so pressed it's almost certain I'll pee on myself- which we all know never turns out well. (Forgive me but I couldn't resist that analogy it seemed perfect and far less painful than the truth.) Yes sometimes as we know accidents happen and yes I did leak a bit. There's nothing like trying to hedge off pending disaster. Anything from self imposed financial miss steps to nature and real situations just dooming you. No matter how severe the impending doom or leak may be, I've learned that two or more heads are better than one. Even if no one can help you avoid the gloom doom you want a cheerleading squad who will motivate and encourage you back up to your feet. Which is better or more likely to receive what they need sooner; A runner who falls in the woods and no one is aware of or A runner who falls at an Olympic arena. Don't be alone when things turn from positive, even people who just want to say I told you so are better than nothing. The words you failed or I told you so can't kill you, they'll only make you stronger. Nor should they shame you. They were invented to remind us of our human propensity to make mistakes. Making a mistake is not ever the problem. The greater issue is not acknowledging that one occurred.- You are human, forgive yourself.

I bit my tongue

I bit my tongue and it began to bleed.

The blood gushed out and began to stain.

I hurried to seek assistance in halting the flow.

We both let go only to find it wasn't bound at all

I raced to halt the flow. 

Oh my, 

Oh me,

Oh no!

How could so small blow so big?

Oh how could such a thing be.

I closed my mouth and sucked,

for I'd made far worse a mess.

I manned up and squeezed tightly on my tongue.

Breathing steady in hopes to slow the flow.

Listen. Are you listening?

 My father always told me, 'listen more and talk less.'  I wasn't listening. I was too busy talking. I didn't hear you withdraw into yourself. I didn't pay attention when you spoke of needing to leave. I didn't want to hear what I didn't want to hear.That I don't listen when people talk. I was rather bored with the thought of my father's comment at the time he said it. As most things go though I've come to see that with time comes wisdom. I've learned that I could have prevented a lot of my broken hearts and life pains just by listening. Only who wants to hear that. As Maya Angelou once said and I heard Oprah Winfrey say, 'People will tell you who they are, do yourself a favor, and pay attention the first time around.' Simply said listen and be willing to respect the words of the speaker. We all hear what we want to though. When we sit quietly and play back occurrence in our minds, there's no denying that even the most vicious and malicious of people gave us fair warning as to who they were. Were you listening and did you take them at their word. A man's word is sacred. It is a measurement of his character and moral fiber. So why not listen? Next time listen you'll be surprised how much you were told. Though please don't mistaken listening for assuming. For when you assume you make an ass of yourself. When unsure seek clarity but know that it might not come. If clarity isn't yours to behold be willing to let go, because in truth, no one owes you anything. It would be nice but it's not necessary. 

Food for fodder

I wear them like badges of honor but what honor is in a scar. A scar is a marker of shame and all the things gone wrong. Some are visible to the naked eye while others are hidden deep beneath the flesh. Whether hidden or in plain sight they exist and are real. With pain scars are born. Markers of painful memories real or fained but the pain is proof of their existence. Pain that has no cure other than time. Pain that can't be shooed away with a pill or two. Pain that leaves you bare and sore to the bone. What good is such pain? Well you should know that that very pain is the essence of man. It's what motivates a man to greatness. Though be warned it drives others to their ruin. So to those who suffer such pains, I wish you to greatness, and much success. For such pain is best used as motivation than to be left to eat away at a mans very core. What good would you be then. You would be food for fodder.

Cry me a river.

So for the first time in my life I'm not the one afraid to give in a relationship.  I'm inches from tears but I know my heart isn't breaking. All I can think is live and let live. I've always believed that what is truely mine will be mine. I don't believe in the concept of holding people back or keeping them from leaving, no matter how I feel. Cause in the end there was a very real reason they wanted to leave and if not now then when. When will they gather the courage to leave. So in truth never deter someone who has it in their heart to leave. You did nothing wrong and at fault or not it's still their choice to leave. People who make up their mind to leave have usually thought it through. They know why, whether it be fear or something legit. Just cause they don't deem it important to share with you is no reason for you to get angry or think you have the right to make demands of them. Live and let live. Just know that you'll be the one wanting to leave something one day or another and you'll want the respect of being allowed to leave in peace.  

What counts?

I realized something just now- for awhile I've been considering myself a failure and wondering how to remedy this. I realized that every time I woke up with some new way to get things in motion a ten ton brick hit me as soon as I attempted to try out the idea. Ironically you would think that by now I'd stop dreaming of better and grandeur. That I'd settle and settle down into sub par life. Though for some reason some part of me refuses, believe me I've tried. I end up waking up with another dream perfect for a another ten ton brick assault. Though the random thought that really hit me hard today is why haven't I given up all this time and why am I still carrying these specific dreams I dreamt up as a child. What is the big deal that has me going and fighting what appears to all watching, to be a losing battle, that they would love for me to give up or do it their way. Please note their way doesn't include the grandeur or incite excitement to my senses the way my ideas do. As I've come to learn, my motivation is only sparked by what moves me. So came the question what determines my success. That I keep trying til I die or that every single one of my ideas is realized exactly as I dreamt it as a child. The other acceptable idea is meeting somewhere in the middle of chasing the perfected dream and reaching some of the childhood goals. Though when someone recently informed me that there were all these successful people who died believing they were failure I gasped. Then he listed them: Abraham Lincoln, Picasso, and there were more. I was left remembering what really matters at the end of the day is not how well I reach or don't reach my goals but the peoples lives I touch with my smile and my heart. So simply said, don't sweat the meaningless junk we fill our lives with. Though even more importantly don't let that stuff define you instead reach out and touch someone- AT&T style if need be or up close and personal if you get the chance. 

Cloud 9

I'm floating just above the ground. I see no wrong and everything seems just as it should be aka perfect. All the things that were wrong with my life seem like distant shadows. I feel like I'm not holding my breath but I know I'm not breathing. It's like I know that this isn't all real and I'm awaiting reality. I'm in that moment of surreal bliss. When another human is a source of bliss, a flicker of hope, the answer to all that was wrong with life. The reality is of course that we are responsible for our joy and view of life. Though in this moment I'm losing all concepts of responsibility for all that is my responsibility. I want you to take over. I don't want to be blamed for what's wrong in my life. I don't want to be responsible for fixing it. I don't want people to look at me and ask why things are this way. I want to be free of the responsibility of my life or any other responsibilities that are expected to be mine. This Cloud nine looks so familiar and reminds me of this incurable desire to be a child again. Isn't that what irresponsible people really are, people who refuse to man up and become adults. Cloud nine a place where I escape what life is and has become. Don't mind me I'm in a great place but I'm not even allowing myself to enjoy it. So what if it's surreal, it exist, it's real, and it's a moment worthy of enjoying. Not much different than a well cooked meal or a walk in the park. Here's to letting go and letting live for that only takes place when we enjoy what is there to be enjoyed.

The condition of a human's heart.

  Sometimes you know something so well you stop looking at it. You feel you've learned it and know that thing well enough to teach about it or confidently say you know it. This is how I felt about the Good Samaritan story until December 29th 2013 at Willow Creek (Yes, I'm marking the date as it's definitely a life marker moment). So what was so different about the story on that night. I heard the intent not the commonality of it but it's true intent, I learned it anew. What was so very different that I just had to make note. I'll sum it up but if you are truly curious check it out. So the gist of the new view is the concept that a Rabbi places his family, the idea of being mocked, and the value of a vacation, aka rest, over the life of a man who he knows not. A Levite who thinks all the very things the Rabbi thought or who simply keeps going on the basis that his example, his leader, and teacher of how to live life didn't stop then he obviously should not. I'm going to pause cause for me these implications were not just mind blowing, boggling, but I could justify them and even agree with them. I realized that what makes the 'heart of man cruel' is sometime the simplicity of the mind. Now the Samaritan is special not because he stop but for so many other reasons. It isn't that this man does a good deed, it's not that he thinks of someone else more than himself throughout the entirety of the acts in which he performs, it's not even that he thinks through all the details while still keeping to what he was about.  No, it's simply that this man continues his journey but adds a total stranger into his plans,makes room, and gives importance to the least likely of peoples- a stranger. In this telling for the first time the Samaritan resembles the story teller and that was the biggest irony of the story. The thing no one else is looking for or even aware of till years later when the storyteller dies and his life unfolds to reveal his story. So when a few days later I find myself watching an odd movie on love called 'Overnight' (can be found on Netflix) I'm stuck on this idea from the movie 'do we really love and how someone can know that we aren't faking it'. Though the movie does try to address it. I returned to the thought of the guy who the Samaritan saves from certain death waking up at an inn days or weeks later fully recovered and safe. All I can think is 'Is he grateful and what does he make of his situation'. I also look at the situation and think if a stranger does that then what should someone who truly loves you do. Since loving yourself is the barometer for how much love you will have for others just imagine how that Samaritan loved himself, was willing to share his love, and open himself up to give in such an unselfish way.