Bitter Sweet.

What do you want? In life you'll ask yourself this question often and other people will ask you this question too. The thing with life is each situation will be different have a different outcome or pressure unique to the surrounding circumstances.  You'll find that you not just question yourself, you make sure. One of the things that make this question a bummer question is when you, at the time the question pops up, don't know the answer. If you've seen the twix advert that promotes you stuffing your mouth with a twix to avoid the need to answer immediately or muffle an unrecognizable response. Then you've definitely thought of other ways to get that result without irritating the person on the receiving end of the behavior. The real truth is not knowing what you want can put you in an awkward situation, a sort of waiting game. Waiting to see if something will just help you to instantly know what you want. How do you figure out what you want? What helps you to decided ? Do your rules and way of handling the situation change with every time you're faced with decisions. The bitter truth of life is we will always doubt ourselves. But the sweet truth is through doubt we can find truth. Hit or miss any choice is always better than no choice.

Paying attention to your body.

Sometimes your body temperature rises or you just can't keep warm. Constantly hot or cold. A twing here or  there with a little back spasm to add to it. All these are cries from a body that lacks care. Be it a health freak or a coach potatoes when it comes to your body you will rue the day it decides to protest against you. Being that our bodies are a delicate modern marvel we should be more respective of them. Even better said would be take care of it while you can before the small pain becomes sever pain. Before the temperature becomes a flu. Before what was just your body saying be a little more careful with me become, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!!!  So get that motivation to make it to the gym, go for that walk, or just park a little further from the store and carry your groceries instead of using a cart when its just a few item. It's harder to fix a broken body than maintain one that isn't yet a right off.

Courting Life

All things are fun and exciting in the getting to know stage of things. When you're still curious and everything is new. You are amazed by even the smallest things and nothing is yet enough or often enough to irritate you yet. I call it the false beauty. Why? Cause it's easy to over look the imperfections of things when you are in this stage. You gloss over annoying moments and events. After watching 'We are Family' a Bollywood movie I came to feel more appreciation for being content with the moments one is given. Being so lost in what isn't there is a common mistake everyone makes at some stage of their life. Being able to be content with what you are afforded in life isn't always easy. A mother who after a fresh divorce with a husband she still loves but understands won't work discovers she has pelvic cancer after meeting the husbands new love. She then embarks on her struggle with her impending loss of life while welcoming even beginning the process of this woman replacing her in what was once her family. Why wait til you are near death or what ever you are waiting for, when this is a moment. Just like any other moment that you will experience in life. The thing is moments are priceless and should be enjoyed cause you can't recreate them or get them back. So don't forget to be willing to get caught in the hype even if it seems foolish. Just remember to be responsible cause the real truth is what happens in Vegas doesn't stay there it stays in your memories. Don't put things in your memory you don't want to relive over and over, cause that's what you do when you get old.

The condition of the Human Being

So here I am watching the most realistically painful emotional movie I think I've ever watched and constantly contemplating if I should just stop watching. Due to the level of pain being witnessed and the level of emotion I'm experiencing just watching. The movie I'm referring to is called 'Aftershock', released in 2010 by director Xiaogang Feng is based on a very real devastating earthquake that shakes a Chinese city in a way that leaves invisible and some visible scars. The worst kind of scars are the ones we bear on our hearts. The ones people don't see coming or don't even know exists til they stubble on them. The problem with these types of scars is not the scaring but the behaviors that results. In this movie a mother has to chose between her twin boy and daughter who should live. In her struggle to decide she almost looses the chance to save either. Then she essentially loses the one child she didn't choose who ends up living long after the mother has gone in search of aide for the child she did choose. Only the child she didn't choose is unable to forgive her mothers choice and for 32years never goes back or even wants to look back. There are more scenes in this movie even more emotional and thought provoking. What I did take away from the movie is simply you can not know loss until you've experienced it but even more important we are limited by our thoughts.

Out of the ashes rises the Phoenix

I'm not typically one for movies that appear to be sad or overly heavy sad emotional type movies. Though today I needed something with substance, something that would feed, or give me something I needed. I once read a book which described how these Israelite men and women would go to the movies just so they could cry. Some would start as soon as the movie began others would wait till the sadness of the movie triggered them to cry. Today I learned just how important it is to let yourself feel the full force of an emotion. Holding on to pain, anger, or just the anxiety of not knowing can be even more devastating than letting yourself feel the emotion. I chose the movie 'Aftershock' to assist me with unwrapping, a digging deeper. Since it had become obvious to even me that I needed to feel my emotions in their true form. I, like many other people, or maybe even you, was becoming overwhelmed by the emotions that were over taking my life.  As we all do from time to time.  Only sometimes the build up gets to be so much there is no way to release without a breakdown, melt down, or worse.......insanity. After having witnessed such, not personally but from a close distance, I know to say don't wait til you are at your last wits end to release what ever it is that is or has build up in you. Take time or force yourself to be free of stress or things that are the cause of your stress.