Stable

So I grew up being told that to be stable you should live in one place for years. That the less one moves around the more grounded and stable one is. Also when raising children, not to move them in the middle of a school year because it destabilizes them.

Though in a world like today's where a job and opportunities sometimes define where you can live and what you can afford, it isn't always possible to just stay where you have always been. Are you supposed to commute two hours or more a day just to find a job that affords you life in your current location? So after your body, car, and life get the full workout that comes from stretching yourself in this way, you can now say you are stable. If you ask me that is one expensive price tag for stability. Plus the truth, what did you really gain that was worth all that loss. So you own a home and can't part with it. Don't want to rent it and selling just isn't profitable. Where does one draw the line and cut losses? So maybe you figure it all out and move for the job. You then lose the jobs two to four years later. What next another move. If you have kids do you then drag them through all that.

I could go on in scenarios but what I have come to understand is our definition of stable in the US is struggling to survive and has us struggling with it. Is it even worth one's while to stay stuck in one place and are the benefits worth the being stuck? After all, you got where you are because some family member, either a couple of decades ago or even more recently (could have even been you), with some courage moved.

'So is being stable being stuck or refusing to be moved by life's situations?'

I haven't decided, but I sure know that I am looking less and less stable. I'm evening thinking of living in two different cities across the US for different parts of the week and a foreign country for different parts of the year. In the end, I wonder if even after all that, will I be better off with all that instability. If the damage I do to  my kid will be worth the opportunities I create for him and the experiences that the situations bring.

Hobbies and the main Bread.

So all I have every really wanted to be was a Fashion Designer. Though from time to time, I have worked on the concept of doing something else to make my dream a reality. At one point, I even believed that this idea was selling out and would ultimately distract me from my main goal to be a Fashion Designer. As I said recently to a store manager, 'I love clothes and everything concerning clothes.' Yes, this is the truth, but what also bears to be true, is that I love and am great at other things that actually aren't related to clothes. So does that mean the end of Fashion as I envision it. No! It just means I have the coolest hobby in the world. This also means I get to do something else I love and am good at to make the Bread. Maybe now I'll actually make and sell clothes, with all the pressure gone to the bread making. Who knows! Though I am anxious for how this story called my life ends. I've never been so intrigued by myself. 

Parting is such sweet sorrow

Best Vacation Ever!!!

If I reflect on this move as one giant vacation, then there will be no insult to injury. I moved from a cold climate to a hot one. Across an entire country to an entirely different state, environment, people, and more differences than even I expected. I was fine with the move. I even learned to be fine with the daily issues that kept popping out the woodwork. Though in the end I feel as if I didn't fight hard enough to stay here. I feel as if a part of me wanted to go back, despite my love for the drive to work, and all the things that made me excited to be here. I think secretly in the recesses of my mind I couldn't let go of where I was coming from even though I was desperate to leave it behind. One day I realized I was still calling where I had come from 'home'. Initially, I assumed it was because it had been my home for the longest. It was the place I had lived that most in all my life moves.  I grew to be Me, there! Though now I see that I just secretly longed to return. So back to where I came from I go. This was truly an amazing vacation. I will miss this place but I know where to come the next time I need a good vacation.

Failure aptitude.

For some people, such as me, failing is something we do well and on a grand scale. I can definitely say I have failed on decently proportioned levels. Through my failure is not as grand as running a company underground, it's still big enough to cause a gawking reaction in any normal human being. As I sit here viewing the height of my failure all I can think of is why should I put my head between my legs and just give up. I barely even have the energy to face how bad this failure is and how I have affected lives, not merely my own. Not even focusing on my new string of added debt I now have. I just keep thinking I can still....    I can still do this, I should do this and this to get this and this taken care of. Please note my eyes are swollen and red from crying and inside this hurts like hell, let's not even touch on the lost pride. Though I can honestly say, I can see the silver lining. I can see solutions to the kayos that is going to follow this mess. I guess this is how I have now learnt to deal with my crises. Oh, do I cringe at some of the phone calls I will have to make! Ouch! My Facebook changes will suck. Though in a way I am proud of myself for taking a risk. I don't even want to look at what this crisis means I will be losing. Man life can be painful. Thank goodness, there is better for those who never give up the quest for it. I do hope though that my lesson learned does not need relearning.

Why Not!

So I up and left.

I was done hearing my friend talk about how you should live where you want to and be happy there. I had gotten comfortable where life had brought me by default. I had thought about moving several times but would end up just looking for a better neighborhood. After several neighborhood haunts and a few moves to some of the ones that moved me, I still ended up back in the burbs hiding at my mother's place avoiding the shame of life as I knew it. A few years passed by quietly as I struggled to find some solace in just trying to fix any of the many things I had failed at. My list of failures is very impressive. So I finally decided I didn't want to focus on what was wrong with me but what was right with me. I decided I wanted to live somewhere that was natural disaster free, within the US as it just makes sense for now, and economically sweet for me. So I also paid attention to tax rates and housing prices. As well as areas that are currently experiencing a growth. Then my friend had this genius idea that since I wasn't sure if I would have a job that could keep it together when I moved I should probably apply for public housing. At this time, I just didn't want to fall on my face and wanted any form of comfort, in this so off key planning decision making, so I just did. She found something in the state that was just grabbing my attention. So I applied. We assumed if I got it it could be used anywhere. Got an email a week later that broke that bubble. It could only be used in that city. So I began to research the city and before I knew it, I wanted to live there. I got in touch with a realtor and practically rented a place. Later got an email that I was not on the waiting list for the assisted home, but could care less at that point. Then I got here and it has been beautiful and certainly one crazy major event after another. Maybe I'll sit down more and pen my crazy adventures. I'm sure you'll think I'm lying. Though I would love it if people stopped asking me why I moved here. I just did. By the way the weather is awesome and I can't get over the view of the water, just beautiful.