Pain is my drug.

                I should have known when my sister pointed out that one of my favorite songs, 'Behind The Wall' from my favorite artist and album Tracy Chapman, was depressing.  I should have known that I have a special propensity for, I used to think sadness, but I know now it's pain.  I could listen to that song on repeat for hours and the whole album for days.  That was as a kid, but tell me why it still comforts me as an adult if it isn't because of pain.   As an adult I can't say I don't know or understand the back story in this song or all she's insinuating.  Today Adele is my comfort but it's taken me some time to even admit to myself that the pain in her songs comfort me.  You'd think I'd known some great travesty in life but actually my pain isn't that deep.  Really I just know I didn't want life from an early age.  Nor did the idea of being born a female always comfort me (Simply having less ways to manipulate my situation and the bit about being a second class citizen- didn't always live in the US and really felt the limitations the world puts on women.).  Anyway what did all this teach me- Pain is my current motivator, sad but true.  So I'll pimp it till something better can replace it.