Tuesday, November 12, 2013

I'm afraid

I'm afraid to let you love me. I don't mind loving you. Don't mind being there for you. Love caring and thinking of you. But I am deftly afraid of even letting go of myself.  The thought that you could not just love me back but stay for forever, scares me.  I watched what I thought would be my mothers forever become a public and private display of humiliation served up by my father. As if that whole dibacle weren't enough I saw more pain caused by her next Mr. Forever. All around I witnessed Mr. Forevers and all the pain, humiliation, and messes they left in their wake. Oh yes, my attempts at forever, just as messy, and in some cases messier. The journey back from a broken heart is riddled with pain. Though in the end it's the fears that take the longest to cure. So I know that if I really want this I need to stop letting fear have it's way with me.