The way to a woman’s heart

The way to a woman’s heart is never her pusy. Though getting that right is a very big deal. A woman needs to know she has the attention of her man. Otherwise she’s wondering who has it if she doesn’t. She wants to know that you think of her when she’s not right in front of you. She wants to know that what she has to say has value and meaning to her man. She wants to feel important in his eyes. What a man values he makes time for. It’s that simple. What is time. It’s thoughtful messages. Its responses to her message even if it’s short and quick. It’s calling her when you say you will. It really is easy to simply not auto say,  ‘I’ll call you back’ or ‘I’ll call’. It’s ok to end a conversation or text thread without indicating when or if you’ll call. How do you feel when you wait on someone’s words to come true and they never do.  It devalues your time. It speaks to your priority ranking. It makes it clear that you are not the priority not are you a focal point. Cause busy people are always doing the things they prioritize. No call when you say you’ll call means something else was more important than fur filling your word. If a man is only as good as his word. This no calling when you say you’ll call is an indication of not being reliable.  Value the woman you’re with. Time spent with someone is more precious than gifts or anything else you could give. 

The Match

 I found my match physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My whole body tingled with excitement and I couldn’t hold it in. I unraveled with excitement. When I found that my match was taken and he didn’t even believe himself to be my match I recoiled. Then he for some reason of his own coaxed me out of my shell completely. Out in the open with nothing to cover and hide. He then made it clear he was not available. Naked as Day working hard to not find shame I stood. Working hard to not be angry to not bat a lash or disturb a soul. Again I stood alone in the woods with no soul to console me. To the harsh world full of difficult moments I return. To remember to not harden my heart and to stave off bitterness. For wolves have been known to dawn sheep’s skin. 

It’s so easy to become angry and dejected. But no one forced me out of my shell. I came out willingly even with full anticipation. I did have hope. I did get encouragement. Though in the end I chose to come out. From every angle the view is awkward. I could say it wasn’t worth the trip out of the shell. But it’s clear I was looking to leave the shell. For why else did I find excitement outside the shell. Not that the shell lacked excitement of its own. Though it seems clear that I may have outgrown the shell. 

So comes the dilemma to return to whence I came or to simply go another way. Back to before I sniffed out a reason to leave the shell that had seemed to be becoming a second skin. No I feel so awkward to assume the position to re-enter the shell. I think it best to adapt to being exposed to the elements. How long will I last without an outer skin? So many things I know not. What is a life that fears the unknown but one that forever requires shelter to avoid. I will not hide though I know not what May come. I will embrace the options and go as I am knowing I am enough. 

Meaningful you (Purpose)

I think a lot and do a lot, but out of what I do do, how much of it is meaningful. How do I make more of what I think and do more meaningful? Yes, this is my next unofficial life goal. Raising the meaningfulness of my life to hopefully 100%(Wrote the previous lines on 11/16/2015 but they are so relevant right now for me and much of the world today) 

To be meaningful, you have to step out of every day and make a continuous effort to have meaning.

To do something different you first have to acknowledge how you currently operate.

What’s the difference in what you want to achieve versus what you are currently achieving. How much change are you asking yourself to make? Are going from Jet black hair to black hair. Or even from Brown to Black hair.  Maybe this is one of those life-shattering changes where you went from Jet black hair over stages (Cause in real life naturally Jet black hair is not able to become blonde in one attempt- That was for my daydreamers.) to Platinum Blond (Not yellow or  Golden Yellow). These changes even just to hair can make a drastic difference in one's appearance or even to your self-esteem. So deciding actively live a 100% meaningful life is no small task. Especially if you haven’t been intentionally meaningful at all in your life. That would be as drastic a change as the black to blonde scenario. Just as landscapes change of really long periods of time we will as humans even if we never make an effort to change. So keep all these in mind would mean what are you willing to get rid of.  When black hair gets turned to Platinum blonde hair it has to lose its color-rich state to get there, draping out whole colors from its core. What whole things, behaviors, habits, training do you need to lose to become this drastically new version of yourself. Don’t be mistaken the structural integrity of a naturally Jet black hair when it becomes blonde is lost for the process to be achieved and to maintain the hair one has to rebuild the elements that the hair needs to remain vibrant to the touch and eye. So what do you need to have rebuilt after you strip down what needs to be removed? It’s recommended that when dealing with hair color lightening you should seek a professional and use professional products for the best results. Have you ever thought of who would be a professional human mentality shaper reconstructor?  The only certified and licensed professionals in the field of mental restructuring would be to go to a therapist.  Yep, the people many of us go to only in desperate times, often in secret, and usually bearly trust them. Maybe I’m the only one who thinks this way. Society has never been as big as it's becoming to promote the awareness of “Be the Best you’. Though today with all the self-help books and people like Tony Robbins changing the way we work out our lateral mental movements. You can see that it isn’t a lofty goal to be 100% meaningful but with anything worthwhile, it takes a tremendous level of effort worthy of the prize.  Good Luck and Do Well.

Hope Attained?

Hopelessness is a disease that will kill a healthy mind. It is such an effective killer that no matter the rate in which it spreads, as long as it is able to spread, it will mean certain death to the individual affected.

So why feed it? Why allow it to cripple and take from you everything precious and dear?

When the expectations we have of what life should be versus what life actually is are so drastic it is easy to look away. Cause the less we deal with the reality of the gap that is the difference the easier things can feel momentarily. The truth is the knowledge of things not being the way they should be doesn't disappear. It's not, 'out of sight out of mind'. The reality of life is that anything that once existed doesn't cease existing it just can change forms. Even when you Die your body becomes ashes (I won't be discussing the soul, because as far as I know, we have beliefs. Our current technology doesn't enable us to ID the soul in a traceable and identifiable manner separately of the body that we are aware of.) I know that if my grandmother's grave was dug up you would find dust that had her genetic material to say that was previously her body. Ok, let us get back on track. 

You can't outrun the gap of your expectations and your reality it's wishful thinking, delusional, and the beginning of an unstable mind. What am I saying?

 "DON'T RUN, STOP!" 

A kindergarten teacher yells this at her student. She has the expectation that the student will behave and respond as requested by stopping. Yes as we know children have far less self-control than an adult. So the Kindergarten teacher will face the reality of the child's bad behavior if the child fails to stop. That she will hopefully address it appropriately. Cause if she ignores a child who has chosen to continue after being asked to stop it will obviously lead to results she was attempting to avoid. It could lead to the safety of the child being compromised and so on and so forth. I'm asking that if every human on this earth simply faced that reality in their lives of the things that are going wrong head-on even if they don't have a solution but simply acknowledge, the child did not stop, and things aren't the way they should be or need to be. Our expectation as a society is that the Kindergarten teacher's response to the child with ants in their pants is kind and appropriate to the situation at hand and not reflective of her judgment of the child or assumptions of the situation but what is actually occurring. We would hope that she was in an alert state of mind and ready to spring to keep the child safe or whatever she could do to protect the child while keeping her other students safe as well.  

Let's as a race be better humans with less ants in our pants and STOP when asked to stop. 

When I was a child, 

I spoke as a child, 

I understood as a child,

 I thought as a child;

 but when I became a man, 

I put away childish things

-1 Corinthians 13:11

 (From one of the oldest books in the world)

Just saying, 'with age comes wisdom'. 

Medicine for the wounds.

Sin isn't random nor something we do because it's fun. Sin is a result of pain we choose not to share with God. That pain requires something to resolve it. Sin is the bandage we choose instead of the healing that God gives. When you refuse to heal a wound it fester then poisons your whole body till you die from it. The speed of the death may be slow or you might just lose a limb. Either way wounds need healing not bandages. So open yourself to healing by uncovering your pains. Some may be festered nasty wounds but they will only continue to fester and get nastier if not given to God to heal. 

Your life's value

Life isn't about being pain free, problem free, or even being free. It's about overcoming odds, not being limited by conditions or situations. Life is the experiences and compilation of rising above what we come across. Many before have talked about it being a race we run. Only it's one full of obstacle courses. They can slow some down, hinder others, or simply put some out of the race. Are you a fighter or are you work out and done fighting. It never mattered what condition you physically are in unless you are dead you can still finish the race. Will you finish the race of life? Will you fight and price that no matter what it's possible? Will you show someone who thinks otherwise what's possible? Will you hello someone to know that they too can and they too matter? At the start of the race of life is several billion people. Unfortunately the end point has far less people. Please finish your race it matters.

Oil change beware

So a long time ago I learned you shouldn't go just anywhere for an oil change. My husband though to stop in a location not far from the home but in route. We had previously gone here for services but at those times we knew people who worked there. Though none of those people currently work there.

He went in for an oil change and was talked into a three pack oil change for the sweet price of $72 and some change. After the initial oil change my husband complained that the breaks felt loose after the oil change. So when the check engine light went off and there was no oil in the engine I rushed to buy engine oil to keep it going long enough to get to the shop.
***Please note that the issue of the engine oil completely being used up is one I've encountered with this car several times and was always associated with going to get my oil changed outside of a Buick dealership-no comment just observation.
Though when I got to the location for a second oil change I was informed that my husband had five a conventional oil change but this particular Buick requires full synthetic. I asked them to check the breaks as my husband complained they were loose after the Oil change. When he commented that breaks have nothing to do with an oil change I stated but they are loose and it happened after the last oil change. So after looking at the car he returned with a report. First that a fluid had been poured into the breaks and it was now eating the rubber in the break system which would lead to needing a whole new break system. He then offered a break flush which would give me a month of time rather than less than a week of time. Thank God I know people I can take the car to to look it over. Will post an update when I find out what's really up. Please note the car is a 2013 Buick Verano with over a 100 thousand miles and was originally purchased with CarMax less than two years prior with about 89thousand miles at the time. Yes there has been a ton of driving but noting to warrant the situation experienced at this oil change. I get that I'm a female and some mechanic might take advantage of that. Though to my defense last week I changed bought the bulb for a head light at Auto zone and was able to tell the guy how to help me change my bulb. Wasn't able to get the cap off quickly so he offered.

So in retrospect don't take your car in for an oil change without questions asked and if something goes wrong after go back and make them take responsibility. Though I doubt this location will, but once I know what's really up will return with lawyer and back up.

Why does any nation have to settle for half assed

Whatever happened to all the people in the world who want to do good. How did they suddenly only exist as business people using their businesses for causes. What happened to the occasional person who wants to improve his country. Without bribes and just the support of the people because they know the person is honest. Where have all the make the world better presidents gone. Yes let me not be too hasty, after all the Greek President is still a perfect example. Though it seems as though savory characters are being given full access to Presidential seats and they are doing it through legitimate campaigns. Not corrupt take overs, that would have been the only reason they would have gotten into power just five years ago. Can the man or woman of character and substance please stand up, we could use Presidents like you.

Out of Sight

Nothing like having your eye do things you don't expect it to do to cause one to freak out. From feeling granules of sand in my eye. Then swelling and redness. The icing on the cake was the discharge and drainage that ran into a runny nose. With a doctor's visit leading to a rushed to the er situation. Finally being told it was an olcer caused by wearing contacts. So guess who can't get to wake up Seeing 20/20 vision 24hrs a day. Life with contacts can't be compared to Life with glasses. There are just too many differences. I am grateful to be able to see but it hurts to lose the ease at which I had grown accustomed to.

Hear Him out: Jesse William's BET acceptance speech.

I am not an activist but this is one speech the whole world should hear. When they said Jesse Williams was getting a humanitarian award I thought but he's too young and what has he done enough to merit it. Then came the acceptance speech and in my eyes he declared that it was more than warranted it was necessary that he should be allowed to speak as well as be recognized. I do not need to speak further, just watch the video.

http://www.bet.com/video/betawards/2016/acceptance-speeches/jesse-williams-receives-humanitarian-award.html 

Overthinking 101

Finding that I overthink while completing a test or task; so much so that I complicate a task that if I did half distracted I would do even better and faster. I feel sometimes that my desire to be a perfectionist is more a hindrance than a help. Though I am starting to learn that our strengths have a proper place and time. When they are used outside of their correct parameters they become hindrances instead of values. The real challenge in life is learning to balance. My brothers once compared life to a juggling act where you have to keep tossing stuff up to get to the other stuff you are juggling without dropping anything while you continue this process.

I am also learning that to help unravel why one behaves a certain way you have to look at the motive. For every behavioral pattern, there is a mental thought process that has cleared that behavior to be the most practical response to the presented scenario in which you are facing.

When digging at the root of why I overthink, I have often found that I seek to excel at the task at hand. So in my case overthinking is my solution for a fear of failure or simply my way of wanting to do my best best.

Now do I have to overthink to be at my best? Of course not! As I stated earlier I also noticed then when I was not fully concentrating on the task at hand I often did better and faster. Further proving that the overthinking was a negative reaction to Fear. Obviously, something that deserved to be dealt with. So some people would ignore such patterns or simply do nothing with this information. I want to be the best me I can be. So again I visit my battle against fear and it's access to my behavioral patterns in an attempt to avoid detrimental life-limiting behaviors. I hope you will too.

*Be Bold and Be Brave, or if you are a Trekkie, 'Boldly go where no one has gone before' or your fear room, within your mind palace.(Sherlock Holmes)

Be U!!

Don't be afraid to be you. 

Don't stand from behind and peep over shoulders. 

Don't hold on to hands so tightly you can't let go.

Go on ahead and give yourself permission to be you. 

Stand and stand up for your own ideas, you are worth it!

Value your own opinion because it is of value.

You are worthwhile.

You should love you cause after all you define your own beauty.

Beautiful you, wonderful you, wonderfully and awesomely made you.

Go forth and be you.

The Art of planning

The art of planning is simply the ability to imagine a host of scenarios. Plan A is the plan you are hoping to run with. It's the one that happens in a perfect world. When Plan A gets to be executed then you are on cloud nine where you feel as though the world loves you and you can do no harm. When you make it to Plan B, usually some portion of Plan A has not occurred or you've just missed the mark in a crucial step that keeps a plan A from being successful. So if you are anything like me you have plan C, D, E, and sometimes even and F.

 If anything, I've learned in this world is a plan can be the best thing in the world. Then there are those times when a plan is just simply a curse from a magical kingdom, just trying to build your imagination of possible horrors that are so far out of control or reach. Simply put the Art of planning is knowing when you need one and what type of plan you need. If you are an off the road type of person then you probably say who needs a plan just go. That is the irony of life, not planning is still a plan. Cause somewhere in the recess of your brain you've envisioned some sort of outcome or gain.

Though the truth in life is those who find some element of their plan, whether concrete or abstract and focus as with a mad man like intensity eventually find success, as long as they don't give up. So a good plan will have an element that you can focus on no matter how distracting your environment, You or the people around you become. Yes, You. You are a distraction to your own self. The difference between someone who keeps going and someone who gives up along the way is You. Not letting You become a distraction to the decided focal point of your life plan is the essential element to any success. Rember that focusing like a mad man on one element for sometimes even years can have anyone doubting themselves to be sane. But to have a mad man like focus it takes some sort of insanity. The truth of life is balance or as my Dad says too much of anything is bad for you. So know that your success might be determined by your willingness to be a certifiable nut for a period of time. How ok are you with that notion. See that's how You hinder You.  'Bend like the grass so you do not break'- Nectar in a Sieve by Kamala Markandaya

Be Better not Bitter

Today I woke to a series of events that most people would end up giving up on that day or consider dubbing it a bad day. I live an unusual life that comes with above average sized challenges and issues. For me I have learned to not dwell on what's not but what is. What is still possible or doable. Sometimes I have to do a total mind shift or think way outside the box. Sometimes even that and several plans after fail, then out of the burned ash of that comes the glory of it all. The solution to all that went wrong or just a jem that makes for a valuable trophy(badge of honor, proof that you survived). Life can often easily overwhelm or get out of control(as we imagine it). To keep a garden well kept it requires constant upkeep. The irony is the wrong pest and even a well manicured garden becomes well arranged dead plants. This doesn't mean the garden is lost for ever, it just needs work. Such is life, so keep keeping, you're not dead yet.

I'm a mess

I am a mess. My life is messy and even my personality is messy, in that I don't fit into any norms. I just don't follow the lines that outline the way to live. I don't want to drive a flashy car, but if you asked me the car I think of as beauty (Arousal status), I would say an Audi A4. Yet the idea of coveting is not one I would even want to lean on. I have learned something so profound I just feel the need to share. It's simple! I have learned that even at my messiest life moments that beautiful things happen and if you are too busy feeling bad about being a mess you won't even appreciate, notice, or take the moment to enjoy them. For what is a life worth living that doesn't even enjoy the enjoyable moments. 
Even at times when others would consider your life a mess if you remember to not focus on the negative, you will actually notice that amazing things happen to people in messy situations.

Say something, it's your child, your responsibility.

Talk to your child so your child doesn't hurt mine. There is a story in the Bible that refers to the first time Samuel hears God's voice. In this story, the first communication God has with Samuel is to tell him of the Justice he intends to exact on his caretaker. What is so odd about this justice? I think the one thing that grabs me the most in this story is that Eli the man who is about to receive this punishment, excepts it, and it's almost as if he knows it as fair justice. So what is the part that Eli plays that he will lose his name and his family will be wiped out for. Well when God makes it a point to have this first conversation with Samuel he says this

  “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears about it tingle. 12 At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. 13 For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons blasphemed God,[a] and he failed to restrain them.14 Therefore I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’”

This is not a sermon or a religious post, I use this to point out something very real and true in this world that affects everyone no matter who you are so long as you have or care for children. It's simply this: This man Eli watched his children commit atrocity after atrocity and said and did nothing. Eli was a prominent man, a priest, a man whom people looked to, a pillar of society. Someone who kept the moral fiber of society, yet his own children were the vilest of men. They reeked havoc in every arena they saw fit and yet their own father, this pillar of society just merely acted as if his children were saints who did no wrong. You might ask what the big deal was with this. It was simple and is still simple til today; When you don't curb your children and you knowingly turn a blind eye to their behaviors you do a disservice not only to yourself but to the world. I am not blaming parents for their children's actions. Just pointing out that as parent's you shouldn't be silent or supportive of inappropriate behaviors your children display. Say something so your child doesn't hurt mine. Don't worry even I know that I must say something when I know that my child is in the wrong, even for the small things, cause it's small things that lead to big things not big to small. Thank you to the parents who say something, you are appreciated more than you will ever know. 

Starving Artist, lol!

How do I know when I am doing a task that is something I love, is something I'm gifted to do, that makes me tick? I have found I accidentally starve myself and then when I realize I'm doing it, I continue to because I forget I am doing it. It appears that there are some very unique activities that just cause me to completely lose the desire and ability to stop doing them. At first, I assumed it might be due to the pleasure I get from the tasks. I have realized that the idea of pleasure so good one could not simply stop an activity is not the case in this instance; however positive the tasks might be. On a closer examination, a different idea emerged. I found I simply could not stop because I was motivated to continue, more like I was invigorated. It appears that for me, it was like getting a vitamin B shot or some serious kick of a Starbucks triple shot or even raw endorphins. The more I concentrated on the task the more energy I received which enabled me to continue. I suppose that the depleting sugar levels that my body was experiencing kicked up my endorphin levels, which resulted in the continued work, but slowly increasing hunger levels encouraged a sort of not enough energy for my brain to concentrate or hold thoughts long enough. This would ensure I would keep forgetting that I was hungry and just keep working. Lol, I watch a lot of Sherlock Holmes series, currently in love with Elementry right now. It seems I have even dissected how I will help to solve the mystery of what my future business will look like by seeing what activities cause me to accidentally starve myself. As a writer, I'm not always sure what my work will look like when it's finished. Though I look back on this page and even though it seems quite odd I realize that I am a natural born artist and like many predecessors before me I appear to have the madness. Well, at least, I don't do drugs to be productive. I guess as long as I do what I love I will be skinny for life, lol. Find your passion, it's worth it, trust me!

mutual submission

• Share whether you have ever experienced a married couple that modeled mutual submission. 

I have and it was both beautiful and painful to see. It taught me that I need to let go of my arrogance and helped me to see the necessity of submission and the role it plays in a married couple's interactions with one another. It was like watching two people come upon a narrow door and knowing they both couldn't fit decided which should go first, without arguing. It was so smooth the only thing that hinted as to what took place was their eyes as they gave way to the other to go through the door. The one who entered first didn't bear pride but a look instead of appreciation. While the one who waited, did so patiently and with contentment, quickly following the spouse as they cleared the narrow door.

Warning; strictly for those who want to be a God.

Disclaimer:
I'm not one to write a religious post but God is irking me and I feel I should pen this down so I can be held accountable or even chastised if needed. 


I don't want to find myself trying to be a God(This post was inspired by a line MI Abaga used in this song, made me refect),  when what I truly seek is claiming and ownership of a God-given title, Saint. One I didn't earn but received  simply because I claim him(Jesus) as my Lord and savior and keep because I realize he is a choice that I choose daily. Knowing him doesn't end with choosing him, it's a daily experience of choices I make based on where my focus lies. If my focus shifts so do my choices and my direction. Claiming a title doesn't end there. It must be defended daily by my choices if I seek to keep it. 
One doesn't fall off a ledge instantly. There is the knowledge that you are traveling down a road and there is the possibility of missing the road. Even when you get to the edge you know you still have seconds of  awareness that you are about to fall, even as you fall you still have options of  how you fall, and depending on how much falling you have and what you are falling into. With so many ledges and so many options for endings I only wonder as to what good can come from having gone over one. But before venturing how sure are you that it is a quest to follow after, much like wind chasing.
I don't want to be a God for there is but one God and that is certainly not me. For I choose to follow his(Christ's) example as I follow him( Jesus) down the ladder ( the one we all use to define success in this world). Where do you stand and what are you falling for. 
 For it is his( Jesus Christ's) opinion I care for and his approval I seek.

Identity

Do you know who you are and what you stand for? Do you know what you are capable of and how far you will go?

What is your identity? Who are you and what makes you, you. Human beings can be very complex creature but even the most complicated of us is unique and one of a kind. Even though we all have things that tie us together and make us part of a whole, we are intended to fit certain holes uniquely, niched intended just for us.

Where do you fit and why? Do you fit there because you say so or others have pronounced this as your niche? What talents and skills define you and have you at hello. 

What do you do with your niche? What does your niche do for you?

Yes these are many questions. I felt I always knew my niche. Until one sunday afternoon when Steve Carter said a simple statement that has lead to my need to define where, what, and how I niche in.(During his sermon Nov.8th 2015 he refers to Bill Hybels knowlege of his gifts and how Bill says what they are and uses this knowledge to respond to opportunities presented to him)  So now I'm asking others. The power of knowing where and how you fit solves and answers many questions.

There is this unique situation that comes of you knowing were you fit. You will not say yes to things you have no business dabbling in when you know that is not your niche. Define yourself so you fit and fufill your part of a whole. Be the gift you were created to be, identify yourself.