Imagine it... me the creme de la creme.

I'm crying on the inside. I think it might just spill to the outside soon enough. I can't take it anymore.

There is nothing wrong with who I am. I'm a beautiful woman who has realistic goals and a bright future. If I can stay focused on me and my child. If the dream to not be alone doesn't drive me nuts then another form of distraction usually with two legs will.

 It should not be a crime that I want to meet someone who isn't intimidated by me. Someone who doesn't want to change me. Someone who isn't afraid of relationships due to baggage. Someone who isn't going to freak out along the way. Someone who isn't in an awkward situation already.

And no! I want it to happen naturally. I also want him to be honest and open minded. I don't want to be lied to. I don't want to dictate I just want to be compatible. I do want however to be the focal point. The creme de la creme. I want to be the cherry on top. Sought after for not just the appeal but for the value I bring to things. Shouldn't life be so sweet.

The sacrifices that impact many.

The things we give up so that others might have life. It is the plight of man and more and more so for women in this modern world. The idea of giving up something or changing course so that someone else can do have or achieve while you patiently wait to do or just sit by and support can be painful. Though what most people never fully grasp is how much more meaningful and important that act can be, than the many options they pictured. Sacrifice is an act of love that can cost anything as simple as lost time and then as total as your life. The greatest one I can describe would be the idea that Jesus gave his life for the sake of individuals. While that idea is the extreme of sacrifice. There is the more relatable example of the stay at home mom, or the mom who forgoes sleep to care for a child. Now the sacrifices the mother makes are often thought of as requirements of motherhood in reality it's a conscious choice that a woman makes. The cost of putting yourself after someone elses needs is well rewarded when in the end they get somewhere even you can be proud of. 

In the book, The Promise of a Pencil: How an Ordinary Person Can Create Extraordinary Change, Adam Braun points out the moment he gets to help his grandma see just one of the ways that her sacrifices to stay alive in Auschwitz and later her choices as a mother and now grandmother have payed off. It is beautiful to see one's impact on the life of one and how it later influences other peoples lives. It just further proves that sacrifice for others has a reward far greater than one can ever imagine.

So be a stay at home mother or a friend who just gets that your life, time, and efforts are worthwhile when used for someone else even when you could be doing you instead. So on those mundane moments when you pause and think, 'This isn't even for me, why am I bothering myself like this". Just keep in mind the life you are changing or helping and know that they will touch and affect many, just by your one or many acts to help out and being there.
If no one has told you already, 'Keep up the good work.'

My values or glitter which one rules the day?

"All that glitters is not Gold"- William Shakespeare 

What has your attention and isn't letting go?

 When you are caught by an idea that plagues or has you in its innermost depths it isn't a guarantee that you will succeed. The only guarantee is that something caught your attention. If you find that it should keep your attention then you have to do the work. 

Don't forget to ask yourself what your true motivation is. Is it the vision of all the comfort and material possession that will come when you pursue this idea.Then again I could be wrong and you haven't had your attention stolen by glitter and are on a real life path that will bring you tons of inconvenient moments, agony, ostracization at truly incredulous lengths, regrets you couldn't have imagined, but ultimately will give you that unshakable feeling that you have truly made the world a better place for someones(even if in the beginning that someone is just you).

Having the right motivation isn't a guarantee that you will succeed. Nothing in life is guaranteed. The only thing you control is how you view something, what you attempt to do about it, and how you receive the things that happen. Your values will play a part but in the end you'll really know what your sell out price is or just how willing you are to stand for what you believe.

No matter what you read or are told...in the end it will be you and what you chose that will matter. Glitter or Gold?

Twenty questions.

Why do you get a say? What gives you the right to do and undo? What's so wrong with just letting me have it my way all the time or at least most of the time? Why can't I be emotionally cold when it suits me? What's your real concern with my inability to connect with you on a emotional level when we discuss? Why do you get so easily upset? What have I done that put you over the edge this time? Why did such a small thing blow up so big? Why should it bother you so much that I have an opinion and I need you to at least hear me out? Why do you assume I'm out to control you? What's wrong with me expressing an issue I have? Why can't we at least try it my way? What is so important about this thing that you can't even hear reason? What's the big deal? How else can one get their point along if they don't talk? When did it become a crime to talk out a problem? Why did this have to be a battle of who's on top? Why does it matter that you prove you are the man in every little thing? What do you gain from this? Why can't you just hear me out and try my way of doing things just this once?

I'm not Better Than.

There's this understanding I have that keeps me from despair. It's a very simple understanding but oh, does it humble me.

 'At any given time there is always someone doing better than me and someone far worse off than me.'

I think it takes off the big head syndrome. Big head- when someone is full of themselves, thinks overly highly of themselves due to their achievements.

It helps to know that your circumstance or situation is not unique. It always feels better to know you're not alone in any situation. Why? Cause what's better than knowing other people have made the same mistake and you're not the first.