Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Life's not a popularity contest.

If it were then it would be about who can flash the most swag, how much money you make, your pull in life. No life is not about the quality or quantity of our material goods. It's definitely not about the impressiveness of your social status. Nor is it about how well you do in life.

Life is about how we treat one another. It's about what's inside of us. It's about our ethics towards one another. It's about her ability to think beyond ourselves. It's about our boldness to fight for what is right not what we desire. It's about our ability to go above and beyond what we imagine for ourselves.

I know you're reading this and wondering what is she on. Though I know that even you will learn or already know that there is more value in relationships with people then there is with a bank account. There's far more value in how I treat another human being then there is with how Mary or John think of me- aka social bullying.

Know what's important and worth valuing, cause otherwise a waste you will be.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

What does Love have to do with it?

 Just finished watching 'Divorce Invitation' courtesy my Netflix subscription. I'd been avoiding this movie but it kept popping up on my suggestions. I couldn't help thinking how ludicrous and crass could people be to make such a movie (all based on the title). For the longest I've been in love with the romantic Cinderella side of marriage.(Can you tell I've never been married.)  The thing is I was very close once. He was mad about me and I genuinely loved him. Yes I said that aloud. I never told him though that I loved him but he told and showed me in many ways. I even invited him to Thanksgiving. By the way I don't invite people to Thanksgiving. Even my son's father only got an invite when I needed to manipulate him to be able to have my cake and eat it too (having my kid for the Holiday and making my kid happy that he didn't have to choose.) So you see I really was into this guy. Now I know you want to know what was wrong with him. Nothing real. Yes I repeat, Nothing real. He bought the perfect house in a great neighborhood well below market value and it was more than affordable. The house had five bedrooms all on one floor and every room was spacious, with two and a half baths. There were even two living rooms one with a fireplace that opened up to a porch with a beautiful garden and the other with a Bay window. The kitchen opened up to a deck. The backyard faced homes full of children I could only imagine how our kids would all play together and we would be the best of neighbors. One day while cooking in the kitchen while he worked on the yard I knew I could just see it. Only the next day as we drove out of the garage with my son in the back seat, all I could think is man the neighbors can see it too as a neighbor waved us goodbye, the perfect couple. The problem was it didn't feel perfect. Something felt wrong. Leave it to me to be paranoid. I've always believed if I didn't feel perfect about something then it wasn't right for me. (Now please note that as I've live more life since then I'm not sure that I'm correct or even sane for thinking this but hey, I'll let you know when I've lived more life.) So I did the only right thing. I told him and ended it. Only he wouldn't let me and he just kept trying to convince me we could work it out. Now I'm as stubborn as women come, once I make up my mind and I feel free of what was burdening me, I will fight tooth and nail to remain free. So that was that, so I thought. I moved to the City and forgot this choice. As I was leaving I comforted myself with this rumor I heard that he was engaged and though it hurt, I thought good for him. So years later I returned from the City full of scars, life changing lessons, and a better understanding of what's really important in life- relationships and how we treat people.  So I found a way to check up on him and his first words in a public setting to me were, 'There's the woman who ruined my chances for a happy marriage.'. Oh did I want to run and shrink into nothing. I quickly high tailed it out of there and spent the next two years being cordial when I ran into him and avoiding him when I could. Then I found the perfect church and the perfect section. I got comfortable and even though I knew I would be moving soon, (really was just hoping at that point) I was in a great place. Then one day as I exited the auditorium I walked right into him. Him and his friends kindly informed me that this had been their section for a long time, longer than me. Now you're wondering how I didn't see them. Well I sit in the front by the two story drop while they sit in the back to avoid the somewhat scary view of the drop to ground level. I always rushed in and out as I never had anyone in that section but that day I was killing time, cause my son had asked that I give him time to play after his service. Ouch! I had a choice. As I've always believed there are some things that happen for a reason. So I kept going to my section, only when he asked if I join him and his friends, I decided against it. So what's the big deal why the whole story. One day I run into him again and this time he tells me his situation and how he, of course, still loves me. For the first time in our lives I (Ha Ha, you thought I would say I told him I love him- Ha! Yah! That would be home wrecking 101.) broke down and let him help me regain my composure. After which I insisted we make an appointment to talk. So after hearing him out I realize it would be home wrecking if I even let him or I entertain this idea and was really glad I didn't tell him how I felt. I did tell him that if he had wanted me so much he should have waited and he would have had me. No, I didn't make a mistake all those years. So the big deal with the movie was I realized that A. I did the right thing not entertaining the idea and B. Marriage is romantic because people make the effort to make it so. Marriage isn't about picking the right person (even though I still think it helps to at least pick a match that you are attracted to and totally dig), it's about sticking with it (This is why the dig part matters-you need motivation), NO MATTER WHAT, til death do you part.

Friday, March 7, 2014

If you have nothing nice to say then....

So what's the big deal with saying nothing verses what's really on your mind to say, It's simple. When you demean or put down another human being for whatever reason it will not win you a Nobel Peace prize, bring you respect, make you a person to cherish, I could go on. It's never been proven that breaking down another human being does any significant real or permanent good for either party involved. Really how long will you the one throwing the negative acid feel good about it. The only proven thing to help people recover faster, be lifted up, or even feed peace in life is positive words spoken and heard. A criminal is someone whose negative influences and encounters out weigh the positive ones. So every time you spit out vile words keep in mind what part you play in the bigger picture of life and just how far your negative words spoken in a moment of pain will go. You will never hurt as much as your words do. Hold your tongue 'For the power of life and death are in the tongue.'- Proverb 18:21(The Bible)

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

The Well Worn Path

If the only path you have to follow is the well worn path then life would be a no brainer because we would have it all there clearly marked for us to follow. Though if you ask me as much as there are so many well worn paths I keep finding myself where there aren't well worn paths. As hard as I try to stay on the well worn path I find I only end up off the path when I make an effort. It's like I'm destined to not be normal. Whatever that is. I'm so sure normal doesn't describe me. Though the more I look around the more I find it really doesn't describe anyone. We can spend our whole lives wanting to be this 'normal' and staying on the well worn path but if you ask me it would all be a lie. So today I except that I am normal because normal is me. I define my normal and I am the maker of what will someday be a well worn path. Just because a path hasn't been beaten to it's threadbare state that bonifies it as well worn doesn't mean it's not on it's way to earning this clear distinction. After all a few don't make for a well worn path. It takes the many and the constant for any path to get this honor of highly chosen course of action- The Well Worn path. So know that as you walk the paths of your life some will already bare the title 'Well worn path' while others will have yet a ways to go. No matter the path your steps and where you walk it will all count.